Happy quarantine! Are we all having fun? Life has been a little more of an adjustment than I thought it would be. The world around us is stressful, it’s changing, and the depression is just being pumped in constantly through our eye holes and ear tunnels by means of news and social media. And yet, it’s somehow simultaneously dreadfully Boring.
I’ve admittedly bought fully into it, and have become obsessed with Governor Cuomo’s daily briefings. When you sit back and think about it, being part of history usually sucks for most.The two most historic things that I’ve been directly affected by are 9/11 and the Covid-19 pandemic.
At least the first few weeks I’ve been able to keep myself distracted. I’m an “essential” employee afterall. Yay me? However, I also have asthma, and allergies, which both decided to pop their ugly little heads up at a most inopportune time. I’ve been out of work since last week with Acute Bronchitis. Three prescriptions deep, and I still have tightness in my chest and an undying dry cough. I’ve been told I won’t be tested for the coronavirus because I have no fever, and I haven’t been in contact with anyone that tested positive (that I know of). I sure am enjoying the looks I get when I have to run an errand and start coughing in the middle of Target.
So, I figured I’d have a ton of time to write. Easy right? At home with my wife and kids, hanging out and passing the days by as a family. . .
. . . Oh boy, was I wrong. . .
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I Give You a Day In Our Household
A typical day usually involves her waking up around 9 – 9:30 and playing with Everli. It’s easily my favorite part of the day. Tara and I suck down some coffee while the kids play and eat breakfast. By late morning, it’s time for schoolwork. Tara carefully lays out a schedule after looking up the teacher’s lesson plan, and explains it to Avi, who acts very receptive. Annnnd, that’s where it all goes to hell.
Avari has, what I consider to be, an absolutely ludicrous amount of school work. And it’s compounded by the fact that she’s already resistant to any homework of any kind at any time.
The first few hours of schooling are spent watching my daughter write one or two words and then whining about not wanting to do the assignment while my wife calmly explains to her that if she stops resisting, she’ll be done in no time. While this is going on, I’m entertaining Everli and usually on to making us our second or third cups of coffee.
Finally it’s almost one o’clock and that’s about lunch time. Let me lay out the scene at this point. . . Avari is folded over crying because she “just doesn’t get it” even though she “does”, but doesn’t want to do the work. Tara is a lovely shade of red and threatening to start taking “tablet time points” away, yet not yelling. I don’t know how. . .
I’m taking my second or third “bathroom break” of the day to check reddit, and Everli is on to trip number 1016 to the coloring books to scribble on a page for 20.6 seconds before trying to climb atop the table and do an ancient dance that may or may not summon a god from the old times that will curse all of us with a plague of stinky poops and/or maybe a cheese filled blurp (like what I got today).
***Break Time While My Wife Scolds Me because Avari and I Consumed ½ a Pound of Salami In Less than 24 hours.***
#SalamiFarts
While the topic of lunch is on the table, let’s discuss my quarantine diet (we’re not out of food, I just like to use it as an excuse to eat terribly). For breakfast I ate three scrambled eggs and an entire can of hash. For lunch, it was upwards of 15 chicken nuggets covered in hot sauce and two Coronas bought for me as a joke for my birthday over the weekend (all homeschooling needs some day drinking). Dinner was a real gem. A can of beef ravioli and half a can of Spaghetti O’s covered in parmesan cheese. Finally, the late night snack while I’m writing this at 12:30am is Flaming Hot Dill Pickle Potato Chips and a glass whiskey (Also a birthday gift).
***Side note about the Whiskey. . . a friend of mine discovered that if you tip a Lyft driver enough, they’ll pick up liquor for you and deliver it to your buddy’s house.***
Any who. . . Lunch is done, and it’s back to work. Avari and Tara are arguing over paragraph structure and whether or not she used enough of the suggested “descriptive words” in her Harriet Tubman report.
Time for Religion. The teacher had them accidentally read Luke 21: 1-11 instead of Mathew 21: 1-11.
“Then He said to them, “Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. And there will be great earthquakes in various places, and famines and pestilences; and there will be fearful sights and great signs from heaven.”
I mean, I’m not religious, but I find the book of Luke to be so much more entertaining than Mathew. Especially in a time like this.
We’re approaching dinner quickly, and there’s some profanity slipping through our teeth. Avari is slowly progressing, and Everli having me read a book that is just the “Baby Shark” song word for bloody word.
Dinner is calm enough. We’re all tired so it’s easy to prepare canned meals tonight. After this down time, poor Avi still has two assignments to be completed online, and 20 minutes of reading. She does them without much resistance, but now it’s 8pm. Somehow, she has gained some “points” so she asks to go play on her tablet. We let her play until bedtime, at which time she protests that she didn’t get to have any “family” time. I mean, she’s not wrong. Sure, she could have skipped out on the tablet, but she also shouldn’t have to choose. If the work load was less, and she just pushed a little harder to get it done, there would be plenty of time to spend enjoying family activities, and/or learning more fun skills like cooking.
I really feel for Tara in all of this. I’m going back to work sooner than later. She’ll be here on her own trying to entertain a baby, teach second grade, and manage the home.
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How’s everyone else coping at home? Is it by watching Tiger King? I sure hope it is.
I’m not super convinced I’m a fan of this post. I just wrote with no guidelines or plans. It really shows off how scatter brained I am.
What do you think?
Indoor X-Games Is Where It’s At!
